What Makes a Good Marriage?

Marriage is not a concrete object that can be held, it does not have a vast mass following it out of tradition or habit or enforcement such as religion, patriotism or the penal code and there is no way to announce it by way of any physical change like pregnancy. That is because children cannot be looked upon as the only result of marriage, nor can it be called successful if the couple manages to make a lot of money and property together.

So, then, how does one measure what is a ‘good marriage’ as against a ‘bad’ one? The only paradigm to prove that a marriage is working well is by making it last for a long time – if possible, forever.

The Time Factor

But there is a snag here as well. What about all those miserable people sticking around each other for years, imprisoned by a loveless match that they can’t let go? There are many excuses that can be dug up for this -- there are the children and the responsibility one has for them, a divorce may hamper their social status, obviously there are too many financial problems involved, and so on and so forth. Some couples who have been forced into a marriage of convention by their culture do not let go of it even when they have a chance to, out of sheer habit. This list can go on and on, but it cannot hide the fact that time is not the accurate measure for the intensity of a marriage.

Children and Marriage

Children are not brought in by the storks. They are created by us, and this means we can never quite wash our hands off them again. Children have cemented many marriages on the verge of a break-up. But this has been successful only when the couple themselves felt drawn towards each other, using the life they have created together as a catalyst to bring them together again. If they have no emotional attachment towards each other, and the child is only a convenient and acceptable excuse to stick around, then the marriage has rotted and it is better if they part. The children will grow up all twisted in such a household and will blame either themselves or the parents for the rest of their lifetimes. And no child is flattered to be pointed out as the cause for which the parents have martyred their personal happiness.

Money Matters

It is true that a divorce is costly, especially here in the UK, but is there any important decision in life that did not cost money? Those who really cannot afford to go for it themselves can apply for Legal Aid or go for a marital separation or DIY. These will cost somewhat less than a full-blown hotly contested court battle. Law firms have also grown more customer-friendly to keep up with the competition, so they offer advice regarding fiscal management for free if one goes for their ‘divorce packages’. And a DIY will cost even less.

What is Compatibility?

This is one of the true measures of a successful marriage. Compatibility is also a ‘package’ of sorts that couples have managed to work out a long relation ‘customise’ according to their needs. It cannot be based on the first flush of love -- then it won’t last long. Respect is one of the common key ingredients. Couples who have a good marriage are also good friends, they trust each other and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Compatibility also depends heavily on how successful the partners are at communicating with each other. It is often a matter of ‘fine-tuning’ according to one another’s sensibilities.

What Do They Do?

So where does the difference happen? It is the everyday living that matters, not the expensive trips abroad. Couples who love each other also know how to live with each other. They take care of all those small details that make life more fun, comfortable and humane. A great physical relation is one of the most important factors here, and it can mean something as simple as how they touch or look at each other. Partners who can stick together never take one another for granted. Each day is a new day after all.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see www.quickie-divorce.com

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What Makes a Good Marriage?
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