The Best Frame Wins

Has this ever happened to you? You're driving down the freeway, maybe a little too fast, maybe not, and those red and blue lights begin to flash in your rear view mirror. So you pull over and prepare your papers. . . license, registration, proof of insurance. And the law enforcement officer makes his way to your window, quickly so as to not waste your time, and politely says, 'Hi. . .I'm just wondering if you . . .I'm so sorry to bother you. But would you mind showing me your license and registration? I think there might have been a slight infraction of the law and I'd really like to clear it up if you don't mind. I'm so sorry for the inconvenience.'

Yeah. . .that's never happened. Why? Well, law enforcement doesn't concern themselves with your inconvenience or worry about offending you or bothering you. They don't operate within the frame of concerning themselves with your experience of them. They operate from the perspective that they are in charge and that you will do exactly as they tell you to do. They operate with the assumption that they have all the power in any interaction of this kind and they're quite comfortable in their use of this power.

Not all law enforcement is this extreme; I'm exaggerating (slightly) to make a point.

The frames we set for ourselves and our exchanges with others are what color every business transaction and every romantic or personal interaction we have. Whoever sets the stronger frame, wins.

This doesn't mean we have to pull power trips on people. Absolutely not. This simply means that when we come to the table, we have to have our resolve strong and our place in the negotiations set. I'm not going to approach a potential new student with, 'Well, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to give you a little advice to help learn persuasion and how to increase sales. . .' Heck no! First of all, I know full and well that I'm absolutely certain I can teach anyone to increase sales through persuasion. There's no beating around the bush. I'm not shy about these things. How good a persuader would I be if I were shy about my ability to help people?

When we consciously frame a situation, we can see how the situations in which we're involved are shaped, showing how the frames operate and dictate the behavior of those we're persuading and influencing.

A frame between a financial adviser and prospect as set by the prospect could be, 'Prove to me why I should use your services.' And a frame as set by the adviser might be, 'I'm an expert in this field and work best with people who understand this and can take full advantage and reap the benefits of what I can do.'

Those are both relatively strong frames. But suppose you started out with a frame of, 'Shucks, I'm not really anybody. I'm working to survive here. I don't really know that much. I got lucky and happened to get my license and now I am fortunate enough to represent a few big companies. Maybe there's something I can do to help you.'

Is that the financial adviser for you? Definitely not.

Before your next meeting, think about the frames that you're using when you meet with the people around you.

Kenrick Cleveland teaches techniques to earn the business of affluent clients using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion techniques.

Title:
The Best Frame Wins
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