Have you ever felt left out? It does not feel good. Have you ever experienced loneliness during the holidays? Many people find this to be the loneliest time of the year. Everyone seems to be going somewhere, meeting someone, doing something exciting and there we sit. Doing nothing, nowhere, with none. NEWS FLASH! That's your choice! Oooh, does that sound a little harsh? It is not. It's the reality of the situation. Sure, you may wish that one group had invited you to join in and that saddens you. There's a big question, though. Think about this story. I love it. It was told about Leo Buscaglia, the well-known therapist and author and it has always stuck in my mind. Some people in his class rushed to him one evening and told him that a young man had committed suicide. They were so moved because the young man had left a note saying, "I am so lonely. I am going to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge and, if no one smiles at me, I am going to commit suicide." "Isn't that sad?" they moaned to Leo. Leo thought for a few minutes and responded, "Yes, that is sad. However, I have a question. How many people did the young man smile at?" Sometimes, we leave ourselves out. We think others are responsible for our happiness, for our self-esteem, for our self-confidence, for our sense of belonging. No. Lovely though it might be to have someone to blame, it is our responsibility to build the life we most want. I looked up the word 'include' in the dictionary and found that it actually means "to take in or comprise as part of the whole". Do you see yourself as part of the whole or apart from the whole? If the group does not invite you in, invite a group to you. I know that makes it sound so easy and that it is not always easy to think that way. Your feelings may be hurt. OK, you know what I'm going to say, don't you? When your feelings are hurt, take action. Tell the 'hurter'! How can anyone know what hurts you unless you tell them? Do you live in a colony of mind readers? Of course, not. Do you think and act as though you do? No one knows how you feel unless you tell them. And, sure, even when you tell them, there are a lot of folks who just don't listen! That might happen, but, do take responsibility for telling folks how you feel and what you want. After that, it's up to them. How they respond tells you whether they are actually the kind of people with whom you would want to be included! Take responsibility: you have to do your homework, your 'own' work first! Examine yourself. Have you treated the person well? Have you demonstrated willingness to be included? Have you expressed a desire to be included? More importantly, have you included them? You are responsible for teaching people how to treat you. Take that responsibility seriously. Do not get caught up in 'victim' thinking! You know that old song: "Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. I think I'll go out and eat worms." Whoever wrote that song needed a mental makeover. Yes, it could have been just a fleeting thought in the songwriter's mind--and I sincerely hope it was--,however, some folks make it a lifestyle! If you ever feel like a victim and then take no action to remedy the situation, you've just become a volunteer! So, begin now. Take action. Be inclusive to be included. By Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, San Diego, CA. Founder Spiritual Living Network™ All rights reserved worldwide.
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, has helped thousands to see life differently. Through many years as a transpersonal psychologist, she has assisted people in all phases of life from those facing death and despair to those seeking solutions to the practical problems of living. Dr. Shaler is the founder of Spiritual Living Network™ and you are invited to join at www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com
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